worst father
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| Jordan during happier times |
that’s how i feel right now. while i was giving Jordan a bath yesterday evening, he had a bad fall. my reflex wasn’t fast enough to catch him from falling and hit the raised tile on floor (which separates the shower area and the rest of the bathroom).
when i pull him up, i was shocked to see a cut above his left eye, right at the end of his eyebrow! he was crying, blood was oozing out and my wife was screaming.
frantically i told my wife we’ve got to bring him to the clinic. we dressed him up quickly and were in the clinic in beverly hills in a few minutes. there was no one there and we went into the doc’s room straight away.
fortunately he didn’t need stitches but my heart ached as Jordan was crying when the doctor was cleaning his wounds. my wife couldn’t stop crying either. after cleaning the doc placed a bandage over the wound and we were done.
while waiting for the medicine (and bill) to come out, Jordan was his old-self again, walking around at the clinic and smiling at the nurses. since the incident happened i composed myself and didn’t panic, however after the doc had attended jordan and for me, the time was moving at the normal rate again, i felt everything was a bit calmer and suddenly tears started to fall down my cheek.
at least my wife was already calm too. she held my hand and asked Jordan to go near me, which he did. i hugged him and i felt pretty bad. quickly i wiped my tears away cuz the nurses was about to call (masi juga mo control macho).
after paying RM45, Jordan cheekily waved goodbye to the nurses (biasa la dia tu kalau sama ladies) and went home. Jordan is as active as ever but we are keeping a close watch on him because sometimes he wants to remove the dressing.
Well I should say I ruined the night for everyone. Actually we were getting ready for Jordan’s 2nd cousin’s fullmoon party. We even bought a new pair of clothes for Jordan to wear. My wife got dressed and had prepared Jordan’s meal for him to eat before we leave.
Because of the accident, we were already in bed by 9.15pm. Jordan was already tired, probably from the crying all the way from the bathroom to the clinic. I joined him in bed early too because i didn’t want to leave him and i was immersed in guilty waters.
And during our bedtime prayer with Jordan, my tears can’t stop flowing. If only he would stand closer to the wall. If only i was holding his hands all the time. If only i was a little bit more careful.
Today he looks like a little pirate at home - screaming and running around with a bandage over his eye. God bless him and I thank Him that the wound is not deep. I pray that he won’t have any permanent scars.
I am really sorry and i feel pretty bad. Why am I blogging this? Well I am not trying to get “not your fault” kind of comments to make me feel better.
Jordan is too young to get into conversations and i want him to know that i am sorry that his daddy didn’t do things more carefully. So, probably when he’s old enough to read and understand, i will ask him to read this and i hope he forgives me.
Jordan I love you. Sorry about last night. I promised to be more careful next time and I’ll buy you an extra present come this Nov when your 2nd bday is coming up! *muuaahhss*
September 18th, 2005 at 2:15 pm
Wow. So touching. U’re a good dad lah, Badak!
September 18th, 2005 at 3:47 pm
Jeff, no, you’re not the worst father.. things like might happen sometimes, little carelessness on our part, but still that doesn’t qualify you ‘the worst father title’..
I’m touched with this story..
September 18th, 2005 at 6:33 pm
wah..terharu sia baca blog ko ni jeff…nti sia mo jadi bapak mcm ko ni la…fuhh…
ko nda la the worst father lagi…bulum smpai… cuma ter-silap sikit ja…so,jgn feel bad on urself ba…k
p/s:sia ingat tadi ko blog pasal ‘worst weather’..sia baca capat bah…mungkin pasal sia baca tu ombak besar d kk kan…tu la sia tebaca lain tu…
September 18th, 2005 at 8:39 pm
Hi Dear,
While u were watching ManU’s match against LivPool with Jordan right now, I took this chance to read ur blog… surprise² that ur own Mrs seldoms read ur blog ya… hehehe… eventhough u were hiding away while writing this blog in the afternoon (cuz u didnt want me to read it), but I knew u were updating ur blog…
Dear, I’m so touched by ur story… I’m sorry I screamed at u when the accident happened… I was just so shocked myself looking at the blood trailing down… It wasnt ur fault dear… things like this just happened no matter how careful we are… thank God that Jordan’s guardian angels managed to grab him before the cut went deeper… After things calmed down and after we said our family prayers, I realised that this is just to open our eyes so that we’ll be more alert next time… and another thing, we became a much closer and loving family ever than before…
I love you dear.. and I love our Jordan very much too !!
- Your Jo -
September 18th, 2005 at 9:16 pm
I used to visit your blog while the AF3 was going on to get updated news. Today… I wasn’t looking for new updates of AF3 but somehow I click on your site which I actually saved on my favorite link.
Badak… you have done what a father should have been doing and you did exactly what a good father will do. The different between you and most of the fathers is, you took the things seriously and started to see Jordan’s future and to answer his questions (if any) in the future. Your experience reminds me of how our Heavenly father loves each one of us more then our earthly father loves their children. You showed Jordan how you love him and how he is precious to you… God loves each one of us regardless of who we are, where we are and so on… isn’t that wonderful!
We as human beings are prone to do mistakes and negligence but our heavenly father is perfect!
Thank you for sharing your story. May I share your story to my colleague during our staff worship?
God Bless you and your family.
Doc. JjS
September 19th, 2005 at 1:09 am
So Jeff, thats what being a parent is all about. Dont worry, i’m sure in the future, when Jordan read this, he will forgive you, after burning your effigy (just kidding).
Anyway, I had almost the same experience with Ashley,… ada darah2 juga, tapi di bibir. I agree with you, kids with gushing blood,… not a good combination.
The fact that you gone through this ordeal, only shows that you have the heart of a father. That is what Jordan and Jocelyn were blessed with.
Dont worry bro. You two are doing an excellent job with Jordan, plus and minus a few scars along the way…
Oh ya, by the time of posting, Liverpool drew 0-0 with ManU (grumble, grumble, grumble).
September 19th, 2005 at 4:12 am
things like that happen.it’s not like you purposely let him fall. i don’t think he’ll blame you at all,plus he’ll not have a scar,and if it’ll be a little one that’d dissapear in a few years. i have a huge scar on my right thigh because of an accident infront of my grandma’s house while my mom was drying the clothes, and i’ve never thought about blaming her for that. jeez, it’s not her fault.
anyways it’s a normal thing for kids to fall and feel pain. it’s a part of growing up. we all need to learn to get up on our own again and let scars heal.
September 19th, 2005 at 8:07 am
Hi Jeff,..dont feel bad about yourself at least you did try to save my cuzzy Jordan..and u did a great job showing your love towards him by crying..and i tell u its not that easy..a father would show his guiltness…i hope my dad ever do that..Jordan sure understand that its just an accident and YES Jo was right there’s a reason why that whole incident happened..God wants you guys to love one another more and more and to get more closer and closer..because nowadays young parents seldom are like you people putting God in the center of your family…and your family incident really inspired me to be a loving parent..big hug from ME
September 19th, 2005 at 11:40 am
you see? so many comments to say that this is part of parenting lor…
)
so don’t feel bad, you are not the world’s worst father.
si Tom tu hari, terlepas si Tabby dari tangan dia waktu she was 6 mths old. As Tabby hit the floor, terus si Tabby terdiam and appeared ’sleeping’! In hindsight, she may have pengsan! Tom freaked out man!
since those days however, Tom remains Tabitha’s hero.
Kids are great this way.
I’m sure Jordan thinks there ain’t no hero like His Hero!
September 19th, 2005 at 6:11 pm
“we have to learn to crawl before we learn to walk”
September 19th, 2005 at 9:00 pm
Who says fatherhood is easy.Been there,done that…4 times and didn’t even get a single lousy t-shirt.
My heart goes out to you and little Jorr Den.Look on the bright side though, Jorr Den is a boy and experience like that will do him good.It will toughen him up a bit.Furthermore, the scar will look cool on him once he becomes a grown man.
As for you my friend, maybe it’s about time that you go and see Khairul Azman to practice on your catching.
“You can fail as a boyfriend,as a lover,as a husband but never fail as a father.”
September 19th, 2005 at 9:21 pm
September 20th, 2005 at 2:12 pm
Thanks everyone! I’m touched by all of your comments. I guess I’ll just have to learn and accept that I can’t be a perfect father after all huh? Need to try minimise my mistakes and learn as I go along.
September 20th, 2005 at 11:45 pm
mrbadak can u told us your experience, i mean when first time u saw jordan as an infant. in the labour room waiting the nurses called u. must be a great time and unforgetable huh! can ha?
September 20th, 2005 at 11:56 pm
bah orang kampung. sure i’ll be glad too. tapi not so soon la. nnt orang boring bah telampau baca cerita sia kekeke.