Ever wonder how much calories you burned when making out? Well here’s a chart to help you.

So for maximum burn, follow these steps:

1. Remove her clothes without her consent
2. Open her bra with your teeth
3. Put a condom without an erection
4. Find her G-spot
5. Do the Italian chandelier (huh?)
6. Fake orgasm
7. Get out of bed immediately and make excuses for it
8. Get a second erection
9. Put on your clothes only when your wife is at the door