Okay before you read this, read the original World Cup rules for Women first (if you haven’t done so) here.

Here’s the reply.

DEAR Husbands,

1. From June 9 to July 9, 2006, you may have the sports section of the newspaper and any special pullout that comes with it. You shall not have access to the other sections of the newspaper. What good are they when all you can think of is the World Cup. It is a fact that men can’t multi-task. They can’t multi-think either.

2. I will clear out the utility-cum-storeroom and move in the little spare TV so you can watch all the football you want. There, you can vegetate and sprout roots for all I care. Should visitors come a calling, I shall be spared the embarrassment of having to make excuses for an unshaven, unkempt, unsociable misfit.

3. Rest assured that I won’t be standing nude in front of the TV during this period. I know you won’t notice even if I’d had breast enhancement and turned into a D-cupper, as the only cup on your mind is the one in Germany.

Rest assured that this period of abstinence will drag on for another month or more. Once I get used to not having a sleeping partner, it’ll be hard to do a 180-degree turn. So you’ll have to inch your way back into my bed.

4. I don’t expect you to do anything around the house during the games. I wouldn’t ask you to open the door, put the kettle on, feed the dog, water the plants or bring the shopping in from the car. I would not even dare interrupt to ask you to eat, so you’ll have to prepare your own meals when hunger strikes. If you’re too up caught in the game, there’s always pizza delivery. Look up the number in the phone book.

5. There will be no beer in the fridge or munchies in the larder. With you being sedentary, I don’t wish to further jeopardise your health by stocking up on junk food. Instead, there will be plenty of mineral water to quench your thirst with and carrots and green apples to nibble on during half time. If your friends come over to watch the games, you can have your male-bonding sessions in the utility room. As long as you keep the door closed and your buddies spray themselves with deodorant before coming out, I’m OK.

6. If your team loses and I say something, I risk treading on your fragile ego. But if I keep mum, you may think I don’t love you. So I might as well go all the way and say: “Serves you right for supporting such a lousy team. Can’t you see that the champion is a leg up on this? Huh! And you call yourself a football expert!”

7. I do not want scraps of your time and affection. So you won’t see me cuddling up to you during half time like a hungry dog. I will serve time as a football widow and when the World Cup ends, you’ll have to wine and dine me all over again if you want to get back into my good books.

8. You’re most welcome to watch endless replays of goals. See Rule #2.

9. I shall not include you in any social gathering during this hallowed period. I can easily make up excuses for you. However, if you miss your grandmother’s birthday, your parents’ wedding anniversary or your nephew’s full-moon celebration, I shall leave you to concoct your own reasons. Some words of caution:

a) You will be left out of the family will.
b) You will be left out of the family will.
c) You will be left out of the family will.

10. If your friend invites you to his house to watch a game, please go. I will hire a racing car to get you there. At last, I will get some peace and not have “GOAL!” and “Stupid referee!” coming out of my ears.

11. You’re most welcome to watch the daily World Cup highlights. See Rule #2.

12. I will never say, “Thank God the World Cup is only every four years”, because I know after it come the European Championships, Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, Football League, etc. I’ll shut up and let you have your fun while I take your car, cash and credit cards and paint the town red.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Regards ,,
Women of the World

[tags]world cup, rules, funny, soccer, football, germany[/tags]